I don’t mean that you are not my friends. What I mean is that you don’t know what it’s like to be friends.
I’m talking every single one of you bastards who are so insanely individualistic and yet so superficially in support of “friendship”. You assholes who think you know what friendship entails, but really don’t.
I can sum up a friend in one simple sentence: someone who will often stick you for a cup of coffee. Someone who would like to see you often.
That is the essence of a friend.
How do I express my anger without sounding petty, which I probably am? For the first few months I was staying at that forsaken place, alone, without doing ANYTHING. You KNEW that. Yet you just didn’t give a shit, did you? It’s not like anyone of you thought: “Hey! We’re off to watch this rugby game! Why don’t we invite him? I mean he’s a cool friend who I would want to see”. Nah I simply didn’t even enter your thoughts.
That’s why I moved back to where my real friends are. Screw you all.
And sometimes you say you miss me. Do you really? Aren’t you just lying to yourself? You and your 100+ friends? You probably “miss” all of them too. A few weeks ago I read a picture with text on a rather cliche Spanish Facebook page. It said: “Dices ‘te extraño’, pero no vienes a verme’. That is, “You say you miss me, but you don’t come to see me”. When I was still staying at that place I suggested that we and whoever else should go to the art museum, or the zoo, or anywhere you want. After all, we are students! We are free! But you just never took the time. You and the other one are the only people I ever saw over there. Now I moved back and whenever you mention that we should still do this, I can’t help but shake my head.
Or you, who are SO obsessed with that damn videogame. You came over and I wanted to share with you a game I recently purchased (I rarely purchase games nowadays) and you simply didn’t care. And you should know by now that I rarely play anything. You were just so obsessed with that damn… demo (he didn’t have the game, just a demo of it). And a few weeks later when I told you I’m busy you asked me if it was because I was playing that game you played. Like what the fuck, man? Are you so daft and self-focused? And you just couldn’t understand how I could not be playing that game of yours. And today when you send me that Steam invite to play DOTA with you. Seriously? I told you I don’t have it, that I don’t want to play it, that I prefer League of Legends, that it is too expensive, yet you send the invite? I don’t expect you to remember everything I told you, but come on.
And you, you have the best heart of anybody I know, yet even you have that student individualist mentality. I told you months ago that I moved out and that I’m driving in each day for class. Why the hell then do you think I can watch a movie at night? Or that we can go to “my place”. I hate that place. Or we would agree that we would see each other at that time, but when I messaged you to ask where you are, you said you are on your way home? What the fuck? Or you would keep asking me: “Are we going to go watch that movie next week?”. And I would say yes. Then my other friends would ask me to go watch that same movie with them but because of my promise to you I would decline them… only to hear that the weekend you watched that movie on you own anyway!
This also reminds me of you, The Girl, who was such a pain a few years back. We were friends, yet after class you would simply vanish without looking back. Unless I took the trouble to catch up with you we would never speak. So I got confused. Perhaps you just don’t want to – we all have our tastes. You once said that it is just “university life” NOT to greet your friends. Yet the next time in class, just to see what you’d do, I would take you on your advice by simply walking out without greeting or looking back, but then after a few minutes you would message me asking me where I am? So you do expect me to wait? I used to think that this was simply you. But now I realise it is all of you.
Or perhaps I’m the one that’s mad.
Nah. I’m staying with my two cool friends over here. Yes they have their issues. Yes I’ve complained about them numerous times on this blog as well. But at least they know what it is like to be a friend. None of you do.