I’ve just re-read this old post. It reminded me of three or four other dreams that I’ve had which have been peculiar at best and down-right disturbing at worst.
The first was years ago, while still at school. It’s so long ago that I am not quite sure whether this really happened or whether it’s just my own imagination. So take it with a grain of salt. It was in my final year at school. The night before a test. I dreamt (or I think I did) about a female friend of mine, called Susan. She missed her test. Or maybe I missed the test? I don’t remember. Someone missed the test. The next day at the exam we were seated in the school hall. I was sitting close to the exit at the back. I saw Susan hanging around. I knew she had the same module, and yet she wasn’t sitting and still hanging around outside. I think I recalled my dream at that point. I managed to get her attention and she got to her table at time.
The other three dreams are recent. As I was writing this I remembered I already wrote about them in Afrikaans. But I might as well do the same in English.
For the first dream you have to know something. I was born with a cleft lip and palate. Because of that my whole life long I have had trouble speaking. Some times I sound better. Other times not. Sometimes I’m okay in the morning, excellent in the evening and awful at night. Or something like that. But the last few years I have been feeling like I’ve been going backwards and becoming more unclear and nasal.
So I dreamt that this fear came true. A speech therapist came to see me at my house. He told me exactly this: that I’m worse than I was. I woke up with a panick attack. I lied in bed shivering and praying, saying “Jesus, hold me”. I never speak like that. And I’ve never experienced something like that. I’ve only had a panic attack once or twice before. Once at school and another time (possibly) early this year.
The next dream is more controversial. It was a weak after the one above. It also needs context. My one friend is questioning his sexuality and he thinks he is gay. It had been bothering me a lot. Not that gay part, or not entirely to be honest. Rather, as I told him over Whatsapp, what bothers me is that it is bothering him. I am stressed because he is stressed. It’s so complicated to deal with this.
In my dream at one point this friend and a strange man kissed. Passionately. And everyone cheered. It disturbed me.
After reading my old post I just felt the need to record these. I am beginning to wonder whether I am indeed the type of person that’s sometimes afflicted by dreams.
For a few years I’ve had two recurring dreams. Recurring in that they had had the same themes. The one always had to do with oceans or floods or tsunamis. Dreams where the sea or some wave or something like that is going to drown me. Sometimes I manage to get away, other times I wake up before I know what happened. But usually I manage, but only just. My father asked me whether I think it means that I’m afraid of the future.
He also told me that at a time he had recurring dreams of showing up unprepared for an exam.
The second theme is walking barefoot. I get dreams where I dream that I am in a public space like a mall and I am barefoot. Or just outside the house and barefoot. It is extremely uncomfortable. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I believe it represents two aspects: unpreparedness and uncomfortableness.
I told a friend of mine about these early this year or late last year. He asked me an obvious question: have I prayed about it? That night or sometime I did. I just asked that, if it is good and if He wants to, then please do something about them. Since that night I have not had another dream of floods or tsunamis. But I still have dreams of going about barefoot. Maybe I should pray more specifically about this one? I wonder whether there’s a part of me that actually wants these dreams to happen?
My third dream was last night. I dreamt I was walking on campus. A person I knew called after me asking if I was ignoring him. I was. He was in a Christian group I attended a few years back but left after I found out they were close to a cult. In my dream I eventually spoke with him and others who attended the group. I apologised so much and asked them to forgive me. Not so I can rejoin the group. I remember in my mind I was still uncertain I was right to leave. But I asked them to forgive me for forsaking them like that. For one day just walking out and never coming back.
This dream might not mean anything. But it was weirdly realistic and the emotions and pleas for forgiveness were real.