I’m writing this while I’m feeling this feeling, though, strangely, in a slightly happy feeling. Feelings…

The version of the “feeling left out” feeling I get is the one where you feel anxious. Where you feel as though you are wasting your time if you are not there. As though all those people are living a life, while you were planning on reading about International Mercantilism or watching the newest PewDiePie video.

Sure I get the other one as well: the “Why didn’t you invite me?” feeling. That is darker and I’ll talk about this as well.

I never had this problem. It started two years ago when I was going through a tough time with my friends. On one occasion, my best friend who lived a kilometer away – and whom I’d not seen in weeks, along with my other best friends, who I’ve tried to see for weeks… met up with the girl I was in love with, going to the mall without me.

Since then I’ve had this problem. A shitty problem. If those two friends just meet normally without me I get this feeling. I immediately analyze it as an irrational feeling and then I move on… but I do get it.

Besides the two friends mentioned who live at home, I have two or three other friends at varsity. Two guys and a girl, though I’m only close to one of the guys. A few minutes ago I saw a Facebook post of the girl posting something about a Varsity Rugby match being held at a stadium nearby – just one block away. I could go! But alone? Why didn’t she invite me?

I thought this year, being the first year I have a car, I will drive around a lot and visit numerous places. But now I’m wondering, with whom? I don’t want to go alone, so now I don’t go out at all.

A year or so ago I told that girl that I’m not a fan of Rugby. What I meant is that I’m not the kind of guy to watch it on my own time and talk about it as though it actually matters (it doesn’t, global nuclear war does, though). Yet don’t confuse me! I’ll never say no to an opportunity to watch a match with my friends! The whole outing with my friends is what I want.

But people always misunderstand me, in more than one sense.

But for those in the same or worse position, take courage! Either your feeling is irrational, in which case just realising this will help, or your friendship is faulty. Either you need to mend it by spending time with them, or you need to forget them and wait for the right ones. Don’t lose heart. Let me know if you need support.


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