So it’s still exam. I have religion studies and Zulu tomorrow and International Politics on Thursday. Usually during the week I live with one of my best friends, in this post known by the name of The True Friend in a student flat.

Normally my birthday falls on the holidays, yet this time I am not so lucky. My birthday is on Wednesday. And I only finish my exam on Thursday evening.

The True Friend called me yesterday to tell me that he won’t give me a lift with him to the flat on Sunday (on weekends we both go home and then on Sundays he normally gives me a lift to the flat). He said that he’s going to his grandmother or someone and, besides that, he is only going to stay at the flat this week until Wednesday when he will go home as they are going to prepare for the holidays.

Wednesday is my birthday.

Besides him the only possible people I might see is The Precious Friend (the “best friend” from this post) and the friend with whom I had coffee (see this post). But both of them live in the same city as our flat.

So now I have a bit of a dilemma. I could stay at home this week. It would mean that on Wednesday I will be basically alone during the day, but at least I will be with my precious cat and dog, and I might see my grandparents and at night my mother is there. But I won’t see any of my friends.

Or I could have my birthday at the apartment. In that case I will see the True Friend in the morning and I might go back with him in the evening. I might also see the other friend, let’s call him the Coffee Friend, though I doubt it. Yet in this case I am basing my hopes on a possibility. That I might see him. Otherwise I’m stuck in a damn flat the entire day, basically waiting like a housewife for the True Friend with whom I might waste another hour driving home whereas I could have relaxed at home with my pets.

Furthermore (damn I hate talking about her. I damn hate it by now. I do not feel anything for her anymore, so I hate still being affected by her), it is The Girl‘s birthday tomorrow and I will see her on Monday again, as she also writes Zulu.

I looked up the proper word for “the fear of being alone”. It’s called monophobia. I used to be entirely okay with being alone. Yet it seems that since last year with all the shit that happened that I’ve become slightly afraid of feeling alone again. And it seems as though that will be the case on my birthday.

On a more positive note, I am slightly excited about possibly seeing the other best friend, from now on I’ll call him the Loyal Friend (the “braai friend” from this post) on Thursday or the weekend. Then I can relax.

While I wrote this I was kind of stressed. Then my wit came back to me. Do not get the wrong idea. Things have been great. I’m just no keen on how my birthday will turn out. And as I overthink stuff and as The Girl’s birthday is coming up, I couldn’t help but make her a part of this post. She has been occupying a bit more of my thoughts the past month, as my previous post detailed it.

Other than that, things are great.

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