Although you don’t have to, it will help a lot if you read the previous post.
So the past few weeks have been rather good. I saw The Girl almost never. This was because of a combination of tests, changing schedules and last week being a week without class. It really helped. The less I see her, the better. When I did she her there was this awkward atmosphere between us.
So last week I went with the Real Friend to resort by a dam. In the nights we swam in the pool and talked about stuff, including the girl. I remembered how I still missed her at that stadium. Just in a little way. I mean for weeks we haven’t really talked, neither online nor in person.
The Monday, this Monday, I thought by myself that should that girl which helped me (see my first few posts) ask me how I feel about The Girl these days, I would tell her that I’m honestly getting over her. I mean I’m starting to get slightly more interested in someone else. That someone else I’ll call the Turtle Girl (hint: she’s the one in this post). But more on her another time.
What bothered me a lot about The Girl during the time we were friends is that she never messaged me just to talk. The ONLY time she messaged me first, was if she needed help with an assignment or something. Even before this semester in the holiday she would never message first.
With all this in mind, I was extremely surprised this Monday night to receive a message from her simply asking how I’m doing. Immediately I thought she probably needs help with this specific history assignment. So I replied and without being too direct (If I just said “do you need help with something?” I would’ve come off as rude), I said something along the lines of “how are you progressing with it?”. To my amazement she didn’t want to even talk about it.
So why then is she messaging me? Remember she never messages me first and never to know how I’m doing. Then I remembered how I told the True Friend of how The Girl and me don’t talk anymore. So asked him if he talked to her about me. He said he didn’t. Lately I realised that few people value truth as much as I do, so perhaps he is lying. Nevertheless I will assume he is telling the truth.
Why is she messaging me? I noticed the weekend before that she was rarely online on Whatsapp and at that moment she messaged me it was rather late. So perhaps she doesn’t REALLY have someone to talk to? I mean she has all those thousands of “mates”. Why message me? And why is she suddenly talking as if everything is normal?
Suffice to say we had a normal, interesting conversation.
The next day she did the same. Why?
It’s stuff like this which really confuses me about her. Everytime I get a bad opinion of some aspect of her, she eventually proves me wrong. I thought she is selfish, yet she once valued me enough to help me cook food. Her coming over to my flat meant more to me than I can describe. I thought at a time she was superficial, then I heard of all those PAINFUL stuff she went through. Stuff I won’t mention.
For months I thought she really didn’t value me. She always only messaged me when she needed me, yet at times when I messaged her she ignored me. (This was before we drifted apart). This belief that she used me helped me to almost get over her. I was so damn close. And now she does this. “Hows it going?”.
Why do you have to confuse me? I was really at the edge of getting over you.
You know, each night I say two prayers. The second one is where I just talk to God about whatever is on my mind. In my first prayer, every night, I pray for my family and my friends. 5 specific friends. Including her. Even though for weeks we haven’t talked. That Sunday before the Monday I almost decided to leave her out of my prayer. Not praying for her after months would show that I’m over her. That, even though admit I will miss her sometimes, I am officially and permanently over her. I almost didn’t. Yet I thought, just this once more. That’s how I close I was.
And now this.
What does it mean? What is God’s purpose in this? Is there one?
Perhaps He’s testing me? Perhaps for some reason He wants to keep my thoughts away from the Turtle Girl for some reason? Perhaps she needs me and I’m the only one which can help. Is it some proof that I shouldn’t give up now?
Or am I just over-analyzing all of it?
Or is it just possible that she misses me?
Just before I was writing this article I couldn’t resist sending her a message. The last we talked being Tuesday (today is Thursday). Just a simple “I just want to know how you are?”.
While I was writing I got a reply saying she is at home – away from the university. So I won’t see her tomorrow. Or next week… we have recess next week.
So now I wonder, perhaps God wants her to stay away from me after all now that I won’t see her. Now that for the next week or so I’ll have even more time to get over her completely. But then what was the point of our conversations this week? I was at the nippertjie (the edge) of being done with her before this week. Now I won’t see her for the next week. So what was the point of talking to her this week if it was only to confuse me?
I just don’t understand any of this.