Everything is amazing. Compared to how things were a month ago, I feel as though I’m on a high. If what I went through was the steepest and deepest valley in my life, then right now I’m at the top of the mountain – or hopefully not even yet.

This week I had barely no work to do, so I could just relax and work a bit in advance. Physically I’m healthier – a bit, I look better; my hair feels great (superficial, much?) and I’m all round just doing amazing.

I’m seeing my best friends and a few others from school this weekend, I’m gonna sleep over at my best friend whom I haven’t seen alone in months tonight and right now I’m waiting for someone else to finish his class so we can go grab a cup of coffee. He’s the only one on campus doing the trouble to see me and now it’s happening.

This morning I excelled at my Spanish class test and afterwards, in history, me and another guy had a rather funny, but cynical, discussion about 9/11 while the lector was speaking.

So at this very moment I just couldn’t ask for more.

But here’s where I feel as though I might just stumple down the mountain again. I feel as though for just a moment I almost lost my balance.

I was standing outside the class with that history pal and I saw the “best friend” (from my second post) standing there and I just wanted to say hello. As I approached The Girl also approached her. I can see she is a bit confused about me. Anger perhaps? Just unsure what to say. We didn’t argue, but lately we haven’t seen each other a lot and, frankly, the side of her that I dislike started being the only thing I see.

But after just a soft and confused hello, after just making eye contact again, I just told yet another person standing with those two girls goodbye and immediately went to the library which’s entrance is within a few feet of where we were. As I went the “best friend” said goodbye and as I looked behind I just sayed “bye” and almost ran off. I Just had to get away.

I will NOT let you pull me down into that emotional pit that I struggled for months to get out of.

I won’t let you.

But I’m afraid if you tried, I won’t take think twice to take the plunge.


3 thoughts on “Don’t. Just don’t. Not again. I won’t let you.

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